START THE CAR

Today I went to IKEA for all of the second time since the one in Massachusetts opened up. I had almost forgotten until I got there how overwhelming the store is. I know that everyone raves about this place because it's so inexpensive but I feel as though you make up for it in other ways. What it doesn't cost you in dollars you pay for in anxiety and anger.
First off, any place that I feel like I need to make a trip to the bathroom before I start going through the store for fear that I will never find one again, is not okay in my book. You basically need a map to get through IKEA if you're going for something specific. Otherwise you're going be wandering through cheap Swedish limbo for all of eternity. All I wanted was a desk! When I finally got to the showroom for them, I saw that the one I had intended on getting was "temporarily oversold" which infuriated me. It was one of the items that I had to go to the store to buy because for whatever reason, you can't order certain things online. I swear this is a ploy to get you into the store because there is so much more there to choose from than there is on the website. I move into my apartment and start classes in two weeks, I don't have time for back orders and yelling at people on the telephone when it never shows up.
Anyway, I finally chose a desk that they had in stock. I assume that anyone reading this knows that when you buy something from IKEA you have to put it together yourself. For the most part this doesn't seem like a big deal. However, I spent a few hours last year putting a kitchen table and chairs together on Becca's living room floor looking at diagrams, trying to discern parts A from B and wondering how the hell the tiny little screwdrivers they give you apply to parts A and B, cursing the diagrams for not having any directions besides pictures and arrows and wondering where the hell the bag of itty bitty screws went to. As awful as this sounds, this is not the worst part. They don't have packages of these desks on the showroom floor at all. You have to remember the asile and bin number that it's placed in in what is basically a warehouse downstairs.
Before you can get to this part of the store you have to walk through an entire other section of cheap homegoods. I ended up with a set of 6 wineglasses for 5 dollars. It seemed stupid of me not to buy. It still wasn't that simple. They keep the glasses in these flimsy cardboard containers with no handles. Since I am probably one of the least graceful people in the world, I opted for the just as flimsy cardboard container with the handles, that I had to put together myself and replace all the glasses into it. Go figure.
Once I got to aisle 11, Bin 0, I obtained my desk, which apparently comes in not one box but two. I didn't realize this until I was in the self checkout line and was informed ever so nicely by one of the employees that I only had half a desk. My friend had me hold our place in line while she ran back and hauled the other box over. When she got back I noticed that none of my wineglasses had barcodes on them meaning I couldn't do self checkout. So I got in the normal checkout line and paid assuming that the ordeal was over.
Actually leaving with the purchases was another problem. They have one of these escalator deals where you can take your cart down them to the parking lot but they have these metal posts in front where you're supposed to fit through. My packages were too large to make it so I had to turn them all right side up. My friend had already made it through the escalator with her things and was looking up at me huffing and puffing and having a general hissy fit. Turning the boxes the other way wasn't the problem so much as the dolly that they give you for these things kept moving and I didn't have anyone to hold it steady for me. When I finally got the boxes back into place after nearly falling on my face ten times, I went to push the dolly through and the handles didn't fit. Some guy came out and said "oh yeah...only the shopping carts fit through" which I responded to buy yelling loudly that IKEA is Swedish for bullshit and stomping off with my cart to find the elevator.
They are very protective of these carts. So much so that you cant take them past the underground entrance from the store to your car. I had to leave the cart and come back my car up into a "loading space" and put everything into the trunk. Which took another few minutes because I had to actually find my car first. I own this now.

Hoo-fucking-ray.